to those old, and new; past and present; love and hate;

Someone makes me realised my mistakes, and makes me see how deep the impact can be. Maybe by losing someone in the past still blinds my eyes, but not anymore. I don't want this to continue to happen to me because,

I'm selfish

To think back, things really cocked up when I am trying hard holding onto it. It's just because I can't let things go, isn't it? I wanted to have everyone important to me by my side all the time, because I am too afraid to lose them. And I just lose another someone this Monday. Though he's not really important to me, I even hated him so much in the past but, everything is not that important anymore. In fact, I feel gloomed and sorry for him. I don't even have a chance to say sorry to him. By the way, he's not my friend, he's my uncle. So, like what potato said, friends do come and go. When they come to you, just have fun with them and be sincere to them. When they have to go, hopefully is not because of any sad reasons, and wish them with all the blessings. This applies to everywhere, friendship, relationship and even, kinship. This is really what I have to look into, because I always failed to to that. Being too sticky to someone, making them afraid of you and stays away from you? This is what I am doing but, this is not what I want. Maybe family wouldn't mind you to do that, but what about friends and lovers? I don't want everything ended up rediculous, and I still remained the same, unchanged. And now I know the reason that I hesitated to seek for help when I feel lost and helpless. And I understand it, totally.

Please, give me some time. And I will prove you I can be better, much better.

And god knows how selfish and sensitive I can be, and that really fuck me upside down everytime. Like what big jie jie said, I have to learn to enjoy the moment of being alone. Because being alone is not the worse thing on earth, and why the hell should I afraid to be lonely? Get use to it peggy, people need some time to be alone and you can't occupy all the free time they have! I can survive, and I have other friends to accompany to, invest on them! I had really misconnectted from thier world for too long.

so dear friends,

I am Peggy/ Pei Pei/ Lee Pei, and thanks for being my friend. Thanks for being understanding and telling me what I had done wrong. Thanks for making my day, because every moment I had with you, you guys brought me happiness and joy. Thanks for solving my doubts when I feel helpless and lost. Thanks for sharing your story with me, and because of this, you make me feel important to you; at least I am still trustable for you to share your happy and sad moment. Thanks for making me feel important, and I feel great to be part of you. This is just a grattitude from me, and I am sincere in every friendship that I've got. Maybe you don't understand me, but it's okay. My first impression to you all had already bad enough, and I wouldn't want to bring you anymore of this craps. If you can, spare me sometime and wait for me, I will be good, better. If you can't, I will learn to let go; You had already bring me so much memories, what else can I ask for more?

I should be satisfied, because every friend I met, are great.

And I am sorry, for being sucha selfish asshole. I am sorry for being so sensitive and sticky. I am sorry for being so rude, and loud. I'm sorry.

Hope that we can still be friends, after the change.

Love,
Peggy/ Pei Pei/ Lee Pei


I am flying off to Taiwan on friday, see you guys after sometime. And hopefully, you can see the change. Good bye friends, take care.